Have you ever started a photo session by telling the photographer that you don't look good in photos? Are you hypercritical of your photos when you see them?
You are not alone. I would say that about 95 percent of my clients walk into my studio and tell me “I don’t look good in photos.”
Photographer Peter Hurley and psychologist Anna Rowley collaborated on a TedX talk back in 2014 about the psychology of being photographed. They say that our self-perceptions have a huge impact on the way we feel about our photos and even supermodels like Miss Universe 2011 can be a harsh critic of her own photos.
I’ve found that during team and group photo sessions, many people are super supportive when they see a coworker’s photos, but the same person will be quick to point out their flaws in their own photos. Why are we our own worst critics when it comes to photos of ourselves? Here are a few thoughts and theories.
1. Shared school photo and DMV “trauma”
Remember the days of junior high and high school photos? The photographers usually gave zero direction or help with posing, and they would take 1 or 2 photos before moving on to the next person. The photos were usually not great, but for some reason, your mom always bought them anyway.
The same thing happens when it’s time for a new photo at the DMV or post office for our passport shots. We get no help with posing and the lighting is even worse than school photos! The images are super unflattering and we’re stuck with them for years.
2. The familiarity principle and the mirror effect
The familiarity principle is a psychological phenomenon that describes how humans usually prefer things we are familiar with.
We are very accustomed to the face we see every day in a mirror. The issue is that the face you see in the mirror isn’t the one that everybody else sees. It’s a mirror image of you. Nobody has a purely symmetrical face, so you have become familiar with a flipped version of your face.
A scientific study from 1977 (Mita, Demer and Knight) showed people two images of themselves. They displayed one image of their actual face and the other was the same image, but reversed as if it would be displayed in a mirror. People overwhelmingly preferred the mirror image of themselves. But the study also found that friends and family of the person almost always preferred the non-mirrored image.
3. Pressure to get the perfect photo in an over-filtered, over-Photoshopped world
We live in a world that is saturated with photos and videos. Many of those photos are extensively Photoshopped, filtered or Facetuned. Seeing all of these carefully curated images definitely can lead to worry that our photos are not going to compare to the faces we see in magazines and Instagram.
Side note: My studio’s philosophy for professional photos is to do enough retouching so our clients look well rested after a full eight hours of sleep. Our goal is not to smooth everyone into “Barbie” versions of themselves.
We all want great photos for our social media and marketing, but we often feel pressure to get the perfect shot. My friend, Glynns Thomas describes how she helps her clients put the process into perspective: “This is not necessarily going to be the best photo you have ever taken. The best photo you have ever taken was probably shot on a beach, with wind in your hair, while you were enjoying time with friends or family. The goal of THIS photo is to make you look like an expert in your field.”
For a professional photo, you should look like the best version of your current self. Authenticity is incredibly important in a portrait for your business or job searching.
4. Self criticism can be a strange method we use to protect ourselves
Brene Brown is a researcher and author specializing in topics of courage, vulnerability, shame, empathy and leadership. Brown discusses the idea that we are quick to self-criticism as a way of protecting ourselves from what others might say about us. We decide to “beat critics to the punch” by critiquing ourselves more harshly than others might.
I see this play out at almost every office team photo session. When someone spots a coworker’s photo, they are quick to tell their colleague how great they look. But, as soon as they see a photo of themselves, they pick apart every flaw.
As a photographer, my wish is that my clients start supporting themselves like they support a coworker when they review their photos.
When your colleagues or clients see your photos, they are not going to notice those flaws that your brain is so quick to point out. They are going to notice your great smile, confidence and authenticity.
5. Aging is inevitable, and photos can remind us how we used to look
Confronting how we look in a current photo compared to how we looked in our last headshot can be a tough pill to swallow. As a person in my early 50s, I understand and empathize.
When you look at a photograph of a younger you, you might remember being a pretty harsh self critic then. You might wish you could go back to that younger version of you and give yourself a pep talk. “You look great in this photo, don’t be so hard on yourself!”
The next time you have your photo taken try this
When reviewing your photos, before you say, “Ugh, I look so…” Please, stop.
Remember that your brain is tricking you into disliking your photos. Also, remember that other people don’t judge as harshly as you do. Try to be your own cheerleader when you look at photos and be a good example for everyone in your life to do the same.
